In 2016, writer Sarah Hagi coined this faux-prayer that achieved considerable virality in the ensuing decade: "Lord, grant me the confidence of a mediocre white man."
On a completely unrelated note, Snot are tonight's opening band for Soulfly and Nailbomb at Sydney's Enmore Theatre (27 January).
The American nu-metal band are back in Australia for the first time in over a decade, but apart from a dedicated patch of devotees up the front most of the audience wouldn't have noticed if they'd stayed away.
Hilariously, the band perform as though they're the headlining act, with new vocalist Andy Knapp frequently telling the audience they "know this one" (they don't), and sticking his microphone out for sing-alongs that are met with absolute crickets.
This all would have been a slog at a half-hour slot alone, but 50 minutes onstage makes this borderline interminable – especially when the band drags out 'Tecato' for seemingly no reason. Confident, sure, but wholly mediocre.
By some miracle, Nailbomb are performing in Australia. It's with an asterisk, of course – OG cohort Alex Newport is out, with Max Cavalera instead bringing in several ring-ins (including a guy who seemingly just head-bangs, with no one quite sure what he's actually doing).
Even so, that's their name on the banner – and that's unmistakably the brutal 'Point Blank' album being played more or less in full. It holds up as one of the '90s most adventurous and ambitious metal albums – especially here in the Enmore, where it promptly rattles the walls.
Max's son Igor (not to be confused with Max's brother Igor) wasn't even born when 'Point Blank' dropped, but delivers his parts as though he wrote them. As for the man of the hour, he still performs with an impressive ferocity given he's nearing 60. With a triple-guitar attack and a pinch of youthful exuberance, the new-look Nailbomb goes off.
It's almost 11pm when Cavalera returns for his second set helming Soulfly – a push on a weekend, but an absolute punish for a Tuesday. The exhaustion of the triple bill unfortunately sullies the enjoyment of the final act of the evening – a shame, given they're fundamentally far superior to Snot.
New members Mike DeLeon (lead guitar) and Chase Bryant (bass) offer liveliness and energy, while Cavalera's double-duty stamina is to be wholly commended. It's also great to hear classics like 'Back To The Primitive' and 'Prophecy' slam as hard as they did when they first came out over 20 years ago.
Mad respect for repping the Aboriginal flag, too. The crowd, by and large, are still up for a big one as the clock heads towards midnight – those babysitters are booked for the whole night, after all.
Even so, these aren't really the ideal circumstances to fully appreciate what Cavalera and co. are cooking – and it's also clear how much better this would've worked as a double-header.
'Eye For An Eye' offers one last pit bounce, but you're lucky if your feet aren't absolutely killing you. It's now, mercifully, time to go home. Respect, Max.
