Much like the Queen's Christmas message, but swear-ier, Noel Gallagher has offered up his final thoughts on 2013.
In a wide-ranging interview (is there any other sort of Noel Gallagher interview?) with Rolling Stone, the former Oasis man revealed that he "fucking had a shit year", which might have something to do with his cheery personality. "All I've done is sit around the house and become a fucking hypochondriac. Dog-shit year. Can't wait until it's over."
Naturally, Gallagher had opinions on lots of things. Here's a few of the choice quotes.
On Kanye West: "I'm not really a fan of his or anything like that. I don't really like that kind of modern hip-hop, whatever you call it. But somebody told me to watch this interview he did in England [with BBC DJ Zane Lowe], so I watched it, and I thought it was one of the best interviews I've ever seen. I fuckin' loved it! Especially the bit about the leather jogging pants or whatever he's going on about, fucking claiming he invented them.
"I was at a party quite soon after that, and that track 'Black Skinhead' came on. I didn't know who it was – like I said, I'm not wised up on that kind of shit. I was like, "What the fucking hell is this?" And turns out it's off that new album. So I got the album, and it's fucking great. I really like it. Particularly that track – it's fucking out there, do you know what I mean? It's got a great low-fi, punk vibe to it."
On Arcade Fire: "I haven't heard ['Reflektor']. Anybody that comes back with a double album, to me, needs to pry themselves out of their own asshole. This is not the Seventies, okay? Go and ask Billy Corgan about a double album. Who has the fucking time, in 2013, to sit through 45 minutes of a single album? How arrogant are these people to think that you've got an hour and a half to listen to a fucking record?"
On Arcade Fire's dress code: "Well, what's the point of that? Do you know what the point of that is? That is to take away from the shit disco that's coming out of the speakers. Because everybody's dressed as one of the Three Musketeers on acid. "What was the gig like?" "I don't know, everyone was dressed as a teddy bear in the Seventies." "Yeah, but what was the gig like?" "Ah, fuck knows, man, I have no idea. I was dressed as a flying saucer.""
On Miley Cyrus: "She was on TV recently, Miley Ray Cyrus, and it was just like, "What the fuck is all this about?" I don't know. It's a shame, because it puts all the other female artists back about fucking five years. Now, Adele and Emili Sande – that music, to me, is like music for fucking grannies, but at least it's got some kind of credibility.
"It's just embarrassing. Be good. Don't be outrageous. Anybody can be outrageous! I could go to the Rolling Stone office and fucking shit on top of a boiled egg, right? And people would go, "Wow, fucking hell, that's outrageous!" But is it any good? No, because, essentially, it's just a shit on top of a boiled egg. That's all it is."
On Lady Gaga: "She's probably doing a shit on top of a boiled egg right now. And somebody will fucking freeze it and call it art."
The whole interview is a must-read, obviously. Don't ever change, Noel.
