Ten-piece Brisbane funk ‘n’ soul monster His Merry Men will play Michael Jackson’s ‘Thriller’ in its entirety later this month.
Trumpet player James Pendrith shares his five unlikely musical tributes. “I know what you’re thinking: ‘An article with a header that begins with the phrase ‘five things that’… that sounds awfully like crac’. No. No it doesn’t. Stop being so cynical.
“Tributes seem to be all the rage these days and I have no idea why that is, but His Merry Men have clearly followed that trend. So here’s a somewhat pointless list of musical tributes we are unlikely to see ever performed, for better or for worse.
1. KISS – ‘Music From “The Elder”’
I’ve always been perplexed by the alleged appeal of KISS as it is. The only notable difference I can tell between Spinal Tap and KISS is that Spinal Tap actually has some pretty good jams. I’m still convinced that their popularity is an elaborate bad joke that I just haven’t caught on to yet – a brand of rock & troll if you will. That being said, it seemed they rather overstepped the mark with their 1981 disc of wank ‘Music From “The Elder”’, a showcase of what happens when the talentless attempt symphonic rock. This album does at the very least prove that even the troglodytes known as KISS fans have some standards, as they reviled it as well.2. Any album by Dream Theater*
No one will cover a full album of Dream Theater simply because their music is bloody impossible. It is believed that webbed fingers are caused by a genetic defect, but in actuality the leading cause is from axe-wankers trying to attempt Dream Theater on guitar. It is suggested that this is a bizarre form of self-defence that your hand initiates to prevent further damage from you executing your seventeenth sweeping-speed-polyrhythmic-tap line in a minute. Effects may vary — I attempted to play Dream Theater on guitar once during my testosterone-filled shred-attempting teenage years, and after five minutes (which is tragically one eighth of the length of the average Dream Theater song) my hand looked like ET’s if he was involved in a terrible industrial accident.* Theatre, you Yanks
3. Florence Jenkins
This lady had droves of people turn up to watch her perform (for lack of a better term), and is one of the funniest things you’ll ever hear. It’s also going to take a dozen or so sessions with the local masseuse to undo the damage the resulting cringing has done to my muscles.4. Lucille Bogan
This is a massive shame, because the opening “I got nipples on my titties, big as the end of my thumb/ I got somethin' between my legs I'll make a dead man come” is without question the greatest couplet in the entire medium of music.On the subject of blues musicians throwing the concept of double entendre into a raging fire, what are the bets that I can convince our giging partner Jimi Beavis to perform this beauty?
5. Pompadour-heavy USSR-themed cover of Lynyrd Skynrd
I mean, exactly what kind of weird shenanigans do you dream you?Oh. Carry on.
His Merry Men will play Michael Jackson’s ‘Thriller’ in its entirety at the New Globe Theatre June 20. The other half of the party is Brisbane’s ol' school blues troubadour Jimi Beavis and his interpretation of The Rolling Stones' ‘Sticky Fingers’.
