"It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine!" declares singer-songwriter Claire Atkins as Australia (and the world) deals with the COVID-19 pandemic.
Also a visual artist and actor, Claire, who is based in Byron Bay, has recently recorded her debut EP, 'Eternal Return', which was co-produced and engineered by Paul Pilsneniks (Angus & Julia Stone, Powderfinger, Silverchair).We asked Claire to supply a listicle to assist promoting 'Eternal Return' and she has scoured the web to find the 5 best doomsday bunkers to ride out the coronavirus crisis. Toilet paper not included. Sorry folks.
"[You'll feel fine soon] my dear reader as I take you through my Top 5 doomsday bunkers that will keep out the most virulent virus, most ballistic missile, and persistent zombie!
"So grab a pack of toilet paper, a can of baked beans, and calm the f... down because there's a bunker to suit every catastrophe, taste and budget."
1: The backyard beauty
For just under $19k, you can have a doomsday bunker installed in your own backyard or retro-fitted to your home. There's a huge range to choose from, but your basic 8x8 ft zombie-proof model by Atlas Survival Shelters comes with a rust-free, 8-tonne, armour-plated hydraulic hatch, air-filtration system, custom non-slip ladder entry, two collapsible bunkbeds*, toilet and a limited-edition signed print of Surfie Jesus.
*The manufacturer states installation of bunks and toilet is optional in case you'd prefer to use your shelter to store your guns and ammo. Nice!
2: Oh, take me back to the Black Hills, Vivos xPoint
Vivos xPoint is an ideal bunker for the budget conscious, or anyone who doesn't mind waiting out Armageddon with absolute strangers.Each bunker accommodates up to 24 people, and is buried and protected under thousands of tonnes of soil designed to withstand a 500,000lb internal blast, surface blast, and radioactive fallout. And with a solid concrete and steel blast-door entrance, nothing is getting through that f...er!
At just $60/ month* you get a bed in a fully furnished off-grid bunker (with its very own shooting range) in the stunning Black Hills of Dakota; Calamity Jane fans you gotta love that. This one is a beauty and at a great price.
*There is a one-off payment for toiletries and essentials to last you three months. So watch the fine print guys.
3: Your own private Idaho
Okay, if you're a little squeamish about tinea, or you'd prefer a little more #metime while we're riding out the apocalypse, you can't go past the Vivos Plan A.With a one-off, upfront payment of $35k* you can purchase your very own 2,200 square feet of solid concrete and steel bunker (with attic potential). Each bunker comfortably accommodates up to 24 of your nearest and dearest (plus their supplies) while you weather out the shi.t-storm.
And with a crack security team, plus a 9-foot thick concrete blast-proof, gas-proof, water-proof MOFO-front door - just like old Noah - you decide who stays.
*Bunkers are sold without improvements or furnishings, and there's an additional annual rent of $1,000 per bunker. But consider home improvements as a great doomsday project for you and your loved ones. This one really is hard to beat for peace of mind and privacy.
4: Tex Mex Goals
You've got to have dreams, and at Trident Lakes Texas no expense will be spared when it comes to your protection and pure enjoyment while the rest of humanity lives through the eighth ring of hell.With the cost to build over $300 million, this Texan bolt-hole will be set over 700 sprawling acres and will include 400 subterranean apartments, a world-class golf course, day spas, three 15-acre lagoons, running trails, an equestrian centre, restaurants, shops and a gun range.
Set to accomodate a community of 2,000 cashed up middle-class moguls, each apartment is priced at just $500k. And with 18-foot high perimeter fencing and 24/7 marine patrols, you can sleep easy knowing your future and investment is in safe hands.
Editor's note: Trident Lakes filed for bankruptcy in 2018.
5: European Doomsday Vacay
Now, if you have some serious bank and you're in the market for the ultimate European doomsday escape with all the cool kids – or you've pissed-off a world leader BIG TIME – then look no further than Europa One.Located deep within a limestone mountain in Germany, this 76-acre luxury ark can withstand a close range nuclear blast, a direct airliner crash, biological and chemical agents, earthquakes, shockwaves, electro-magnetic pulses, flooding and armed attack.
Europa One accommodates up to 500 A-listers in private 5-star appartments with all the luxury extras you'd expect, including your very own super-sized aquarium.
While the rest of the world is going to sh.t, get poolside with a few frosties from the micro brewery, catch a film, visit the zoo, get nostalgic in a freaky museum, or forget about the past and work on your post-apocalypse bikini body in the gym. And if the sh.t really hits the fan, say a prayer in the 'medieval look' chapel. IKR? It really is your one-stop shop!
So what's the catch? Access to this gated community is by application only and it will set you back a cool $5 million.
"Thanks for having me," adds Claire, "and in this troubling time I hope I've given you a laugh.
"Seriously though, wash your hands, work from home, and look out for each other! And as gigs and events are being cancelled around the world, remember you can support artists by buying our CDs and merch, or repeat-stream our tunes while you sleep. Let's face it, any future will suck without music. Take care."
