5 Cartoon Characters In Phantom Panda's Hearts

Our eclectic team of writers from around Australia – and a couple beyond – with decades of combined experience and interest in all fields.

In the PandaGalaxy it is very hard to get pasta of any quality; thus the gorgeous team Phantom Panda Power Wizard Master Smasher have utilised their genius knowledge, immeasurable talent and heartbreakingly fluttering eyelashes to cross dimensions to our carb-rich planet to indulge in vast quantities of tortellini.


To thank our species for the creamy linguini, the esteemed SpaceCuties have created a galaxy destroying show in which they perform the interstellar music of the PandaGalaxy live and in sync with projected earth cartoons of Bugs Bunny and Road Runner. “We love these cartoons so very much; surely they are Earth's greatest love stories, famous in your galaxy and ours this is an incredible long waited blend of our cultures,” says Calculator StarrPanda 2035.

Phantom PandaThey are so roguishly clever, not only are they the greatest SpaceCuties to ever have access to earth and its glorious lasagne they have discovered that their favourite actors from these cartoons reside on earth and now they can fulfil their lifelong ambitions of stalking and beginning intimate romantic relationships with them.

SpaceCock wants Bugs Bunny

Why I want to have a relationship with Bugs Bunny by SpaceCock.
Maybe I’m shallow but my beak pulsates fastest for the star, only the most desirable and famous turn me on and there has never been a star brighter than the beautiful Bugs Bunny. His iconic dapper grey fur and delectable dental work gets my wattles throbbing. Every time he antagonises clearly mentally challenged men till they break and become psychopathically violent makes me squawk involuntarily. He has impeccable taste in dresses, I hope he will share in his wardrobe, I want to rub my comb on his darling pink angora sweater. He’s also a home owner; I can’t wait to move into his hole with him.

Space CockSpace Cock

Bugs Bunny

PhotonTickle loves Elmer

Why Elmer needs to get into my life (and spacepants) a sonnet by PhotonTickle.
Oh Elmer you are the perfect man, from your big boy hat to your big boy boots I endlessly ponder how it would feel to rub my tentacles over your smooth saggy skinned body... Is all that I need? Your laugh fills me with delicious bubbles of joy. Your innocence is endearing, your murderous tendencies towards the defenceless is nothing short of enchanting. It is adorable that you spend so much time outdoors but hate it so much, such a delightful enigma you are… or maybe you’re mentally handicapped. Either way… hit me up.

Elmer Fudd

NeutronBear hearts Coyote

Oh Mr. Coyote, I want to help you and if I feed you maybe you’ll heart me too by Coyote.
While you are my everything, I can see that you are a creative technical genius, my fur throbs with tears seeing you so hungry and skinny, I want to feed you. You deserve so much more, I’m so explosively cuddly. Dry your jaundiced eyes on my eyebrow. Tell me why do you spend all your money on inventions? Just buy some food. You can do that on earth. I bought you cacio e pepe; it’s delicious. That meatless little bird you waste all your money on can manipulate space and time. He is a threat to us all. We will destroy him.

Wile E Coyote

TwinkleToise found Giovanni Jones

TwinkleToise is ecstatic because he found Giovanni Jones on Tinder, this is his profile.
Giovanni Jones: I am the best singer to grace humanity, I sing for the ladies. I keep it doughy for you. I love opera and am an over dramatic diva that has no problem hitting hateful little animals when slightly annoyed because I’m tough like that.

Giovanni Jones Calculator StarrPanda's soul mate: Daffy Duck Why I’m certain Daffy Duck is my soul mate… this time is forever for real by Calculator StarrPanda.
I definitely have a type, this is not the first time my emotions are all a flutter for a short, little, vindictive, explosive tempered, emotionally unstable, psychopathically violent, opportunistic, down to earth kinda guy. I ache to sink my LaserClaws into him.

StarrPandaStarr Panda

Daffy DuckPhantom Panda Power Wizard Master Smasher play New Globe Theatre, 15-16 May.

Let's Socialise

Facebook pink circle    Instagram pink circle    YouTube pink circle    YouTube pink circle

 OG    NAT

Twitter pink circle    Twitter pink circle