Chutes & Ladders
In episode one of 'Hotel' – Checking In – we learned bits and pieces about the denizens of the Hotel Cortex (Iris is grumpy, Sally cries a lot – and also died once, and the Countess likes beautiful clothes and taking them off for throat-slicing orgies!), and this episode illuminates them a bit more.
The other Swedish girl is quickly knocked off, as the vampiric Shining/ Children Of The Corn quickly drain her, with the blood transferred to a nice dish that Iris gives to the Countress for drinking pleasure. So her horror mash-up children are some kind of filter so Gaga only drinks clean blood?
It’s a busy time at the Cortez, as a fashion show is suddenly underway by command of new owner and fashion guru Will Drake, with his friend Claudia (Naomi Campbell, basically playing Naomi Campbell) in tow. John Lowe and daughter Scarlet are invited, and John accepts because who really cares about a series of grisly murders when there’s new fabric to be seen? Scarlet is whisked away by Will’s son Lachlan, who shows her the spot where the vampire children rest. In one of those glass coffins is her older, missing brother, Holden – naturally.
Meanwhile, The Countess spots her new boy-toy in the form of Tristan Duffy (Finn Wittrock, armed with a hilarious California-bro accent). The moody, temperamental runway model promptly quits, cuts a scar in his face for good measure, and runs into the Countess.
She wastes no time in giving him the ancient blood virus that boosts his immune system, heals his face and halts his aging; but definitely doesn’t make him a vampire, as the v-word isn’t mentioned once.
The Countess explains she was born in the early 20th Century, and the man who turned her – presumably a handsome raven-haired man like almost every other male this season – has been long gone. Meanwhile, Donovan discovers their tryst and is quickly cast aside by Gaga.
The following day Scarlet uses a bus to get back to the hotel to convince Holden to return to the family, but he’s not budging. Her parents also don’t exactly take it well when she claims her brother is living (relative term) at the same hotel her dad is staying at.
Speaking of John, he wants answers. He demands to know what’s going on in this hotel, and she fills him in on James Patrick March (Evan Peters), the pencil-mustached, oil tycoon who built the Cortez in the '20s as his personal murdering funhouse, complete with secret passages and hallways that don’t lead anywhere.
Despite his amusing Transatlantic accent, he’s clearly not a man to be messed with, as we see him enjoying some Countess-style murder-sex. (Speaking of which, she is clearly March’s old wife, right? We get a glimpse of Mrs. March’s voice, which definitely sounded similar to Gaga’s, and blonde hair. Maybe Gaga inherited the hotel, as Iris says the wife took all of March’s money?)
March’s fun ends in the '30s, as the police come knocking. His faithful maid Ms. Evers (Mare Winningham, clearly having as much fun with her role as Peters) insists on being his second-to-last kill, so he quickly shoots her before cutting his own throat. His old office was Room 64, the very room John is staying in. Oh yeah, and he and Ms. Evers are still haunting the hotel to this day. So there’s that.
John uses Iris’ information to form a theory that someone is modeling the murders of March, who hated all things religion-based. With kills based on the 10 commandments; the Oscar blogger was seemingly 'guilty' of worshipping false idols; the mutilated woman had committed adultery; and the gutted twins from the last episode were suspected of killing their parents, in line with not honoring their mother and father.
As John tries to solve the murder, Gaga and Tristin commit one of their own – offing a gay man they met on social media. John’s not the most attentive guy in the world, he is?
See you next time, as Angela Bassett enters the fold!
