Sexpo. The name says it all, really.
Walking into the main exhibition hall in the Brisbane Convention & Exhibition Centre (20-23 August), punters are immediately greeted by an exotic dance show to the left. The shows featured both male and female entertainers, in various stages of undress, and projected onto television screens for those who had no direct line of sight to the performers on stage.
Sexpo, it goes without saying, is an adult-only event. To the right, dozens of stalls showcase the best of X-rated merchandise. Not only can Sexpo-goers find a vast array of toys, handcuffs and whips – perhaps inspired by the '50 Shades Of Grey' phenomena – but they were all sold at an attractive discount. Attendees carried round bags full of exotic trinkets, obviously taking advantage of both the range and the prices.
Image © Ricky Skinner
Speaking of bags, this was the adult Ekka. There were show bags: for him, for her, and deluxe. There was even a sideshow alley. Not only were the prizes up for grabs somewhat… different… to those that you would get at the Ekka, the games were also customised to suit the 18+ atmosphere. There were anatomically-correct genitalia instead of rotating clown heads, for example. There were cut outs of naked people for others to stick their heads through for photographs, and a giant inflatable reproductive organ that could be ventured through – much like an adult version of a jumping castle.
Click here for photos from Sexpo.
Not all of the stalls, however, were overtly sexual. The Australian Sex Party was represented, and fire fighters were there to spruik their calendar for charity. There were travel agencies, clothing (okay, studded stilettos and lingerie), a sweet shop and a chocolate-dipped strawberry booth.
For those attending, there were three levels of ticketing: general admission, gold and platinum. The upper layers included discounted or free admission to bars and lounges, including an after party and priority access to porn stars.
Sexpo had porn stars and other entertainers a-plenty. At the ‘Play Bunnies Laporium Lounge’, guests were hosted by topless lady entertainers, and for those more interested in topless men, BadBoys Australia was the show for you. There was also an ‘Exotic Angles’ search for the best exotic dancers in Australia and New Zealand. Several heats were held throughout the Brisbane round, with the final held on the last day of the show.
Image © Ricky Skinner
But this wasn’t just about the professionals: for those wanting to publicly get in on the fun, there was an orgasm-faking competition, and a chocolate-body-sauce-liking competition. What was quite wonderful about Sexpo is the atmosphere. While it could be imagined to be quite intimidating or even seedy, the stall holders and other workers were very approachable and friendly. Many were spruiking their products while scantily or half undressed. There was even a Penthouse pet there.
But from the ladies dressed in barely-there maids uniforms to the muscle bound, shirtless men, there was not one leer, not one dirty joke. Sexpo feels incredibly inclusive, and aims to normalise sexuality as something fun to be explored, rather than be ashamed of.
Luisa Ryan
The first thing I want to say about Sexpo is: I have never stuck my fingers in so many pussies in all my life.
In fact, the first thing I was greeted with as I rounded the corner from the entrance, was a battery-operated, twerking arse, complete with life-like holes. Its Perspex display case had an opening for patrons to reach in and have a feel. So, in a bizarre sort of Sexpo initiation, my comrades and I took turns plunging our fingers in. It had the remarkably unpleasant texture of a pudding made from plastic and snot.
It wasn’t a pleasant experience. But it did start us on a quest to find the finest, fake pussy in the place. And, with several rows of markets filling most of the Convention Centre, it seemed a statistical certainty that we would leave having felt the perfect pussy.
While we had our pussy quest, as it turns out, not every Sexpo punter has a fantasy to fulfil. Passing the jerky stand (and no, there’s no sexual innuendo there, it was literally just different kinds of dry meat), we heard one guy say “this is the only stall I came here for”. Sneaking a look at his face as he deliberated between the spicy kangaroo and some kind of weird, shrivelled-up sausage, I could see he wasn’t joking. His girlfriend looked less than impressed.
Many of the stalls had a carnie atmosphere with sales people who pounced on you the second you entered, waving dildos in your face and asking you to lick, sniff or fondle whatever it was they were selling. For us, this added to the fun. Some of our favourite finds included a classy, $200 vibrator that looked like soft, billowing clouds, a pussy in a bottle (for more subtle public masturbation), and a party game called 'Who’s The Biggest Slut?'. There were also plenty of classy stalls where we could’ve happily spent hundreds of dollars on all sorts of fancy sexual accessories.
Image © Ricky Skinner
Snaking our way through the markets, we hit the stage right in time for Bad Boys. I’ve never liked male strippers but, since I had a review to write and all, we decided to give them a chance. It was a lot like watching 'X-Factor' auditions with cheesy choreography and questionable lip-syncing. After figuring out that the problem with male strippers is the wildly inaccurate understanding men have of what turns women on, my eyes drifted over to a naked, old man standing a few feet to my right.
If you haven’t heard of him before, his name is Pricasso and he paints pictures with his penis. For Sexpo, he was painting portraits for people. He looked up when I glanced over, our eyes met, and he gave me a cheeky grin. In what was quite a surreal moment, I realised this was probably the only circumstance in which a naked, old man in a hot-pink top hat and matching cowboy boots clutching his penis and smiling at me was an okay thing to be happening.
I returned from my old-man-penis moment in time to hear the Bad Boys suggesting if we wanted to see more, we should head to the private, lap-dance room. And pay the fee. Perhaps they saved all the good moves for those willing to pay? I had neither the cash nor the inclination to find out.
Towering over the lap-dance den was a giant-penis ride. We were warned by a tough looking lady in the BDSM booth that it was “traumatising”. We weren’t keen to pay $5 to find out just what kind of traumatising it was, so she filled us in. Imagine the Batman ride at Movieworld except the Batmobile is a penis and instead of fighting villains, you plunge in and out of a vagina. Just like the Batman ride, the carriage shakes around at appropriate times while real-life footage plays on the screen. Unlike the Batman ride, that footage is of the inside of a vagina.
Click here for photos from Sexpo.
We took a pass on embodying a giant penis. We also passed on the opportunity to be sperm entering a blow up vagina-tube-jumping-castle-thing. Sounds crazy, I know, but we had limited funds and decided to dedicate what we had to a BDSM show.
In a small, private theatre we watched two girls perform Shibari, an ancient Japanese bondage art. Each movement of the rope was like a part in a choreographed dance. Smooth, flowing motions were broken up with sharp movements. The rope dragged across the captive girl’s skin, teasing, before whipping into knots with fierce staccato movements. Once bound, she was suspended in the air, drizzled with hot wax and whipped with an assortment of weapons.
Image © Ricky Skinner
My boyfriend found it thoroughly boring. And my friend was more preoccupied with whether the unimpressed older couple behind us were the parents of the girl being flogged and then, later, how many of the lads in the audience were hiding erections. As for me? I’ve seen better Shibari performances (thank you internet) but still, I found it mesmerising.
Sexpo had a lot going on, but you had to keep paying more if you wanted to see the best stuff. Unfortunately, we just didn’t have the cash. But we did finger a lot of fake pussies. Because fingering fake pussies was free. While there were a few strong contenders, we never found 'the one'. But we did get a bag of candy penises which allowed us to take Louis CK’s advice and, quite literally, suck a bag of dicks.
Krystle Richardson
