CeCe used to be a people person, but working in retail has ruined that for her.
There are people out there that should only do online shopping, and they’ve got CeCe wishing she could 'exchange' this career for another. She can't afford to just 'lay-by' and take it, or she might end up in 'Retail Therapy'.
“You see, there's a reason why people in retail smile so much. It's not because we're happy, t's not because we like you. It's because secretly, we're dying inside and we don't want you to know it,” says CeCe.
A show for anyone that’s ever worked in customer service and wants a 'refund' on that time in their life. These are CeCe's Top 5 problems that all retail workers can relate with:
Cringe-Worthy Customers
It’s not the retail job that’s crappy – it’s the people that make or break your day. There is a spectrum of cringe-worthy customer experiences ranging from ‘The Comedian’ with tried and true phrases such as: “this one doesn’t have a price tag on, does that mean it’s free?” through to ‘The Creep’ who seems to think it’s OK to ask a sales assistant how much they cost. Then there’s a whole other category of customers – the ‘Loose Cannons’ – where no matter how hard you try to please them, they’ll still end up exploding all over your store.Facial Fractures
There’s a reason why people in retail smile so much. It’s not because we’re happy. It’s not because we like you. It’s because secretly, we’re dying inside and we don’t want you to know. Repetitive strain on your tender facial muscles often leads to a numb face and chapped lips. Remember to do your facial exercises during your shift and store a chap stick in a number of places throughout the store so you can remain glossed at all times.
Pon de Replay
No, I’m not talking about Rhianna’s hit single from 2005. I’m talking about that same damn CD being played over and over again in the shop. As a customer, you’re in the store for 20 minutes max and don’t mind what the hell we play. In fact, you probably don’t even realise what music is on while you’re shopping for the latest trend. Unless it happens to be 'Whip & Nae Nae' and then you feel the need to bust out into some ridiculous dance move in the middle of the shop and knock over that pile of shirts I’ve just been folding for the last half hour. But we have to endure endless hours of the same album blaring through the store speakers and burning deep into our brains. To this day I can still recite every lyric on the Elaphunk album and have deep mental scaring from catchy Katy Perry tunes. So. Damn. Catchy.Anti-Social Tendencies
Look, I deal with people all day, every day and surprisingly enough when I go home all I want to do is pour a wine, sit in a dark room and watch 'The Real Housewives Of New York'. But no. There’s always a housemate or a boyfriend or a mother that feels the need to encroach on my important end of the day ‘people detox’.
Everyone’s Friday is your Wednesday
As retail workers, we live out of phase with the norms of society. Planning Friday afternoon drinks? Guess I’m not coming because I have work in the morning. Beach holiday for that long weekend? Nope, not doing that either because people want to shop on public holidays – and to be fair I could use the double time and a half pay. I get it, you work 9-5 Monday to Friday in a well-paying office job. Just stop posting about it on social media so that I don’t have to see it.'Retail Therapy' performs Saber Events 6 & 7 May as part of Anywhere Festival which runs 5-21 May.
