Fans were stunned by the deaths of a number of major footballers during last night's State Of Origin contest.
The shocking events were orchestrated by referee Shayne Hayne after Queensland captain Cameron Smith refused to marry his daughter, offering loyal bannerman Cooper Cronk up in his place.
Spectators were tipped off that something was amiss before the game when Timomatic began playing new single 'Parachute', which is not even remotely appropriate to play at a football match; a clear sign from New South Wales coach Laurie Daley and his co-conspirators that they were about to strike.
NSW fullback Jarryd Hayne, believed to be wearing chainmail under his jersey, struck early, driving a literal dagger into the stomach of opposing number Billy Slater just six minutes into the match. Michael Jennings fired a crossbow bolt — an actual bolt, from an actual crossbow — across the line just minutes before halftime, striking Cameron Smith down in the process. Trainers who were close to the action report that Smith's last word was a plaintive "Meninga", before he was gutted by an unrepentant Greg Bird.
But the action wasn't over yet — right before the halftime siren, Blues captain Paul Gallen landed a couple of heavy shots to the face of Maroons star Nate Myles. Shayne Hayne whispered "Laurie sends his regards" as Myles drew his last breath.
Observers said it was the most shocking Origin moment since Tommy Raudonikis was beheaded in the first series.
While most fans are still trying to process the cruel twists of last night's game, bookie Tom Waterhouse had actually known it was coming for a while and tried very hard not to spoil it for you.
