Every four years, at World Cup time, three distinct groups of people emerge.
The first group is comprised of the real fans — those who've been counting the days since the last closing ceremony and still have the matchsticks beside the tele to prove it. The second is of those for whom the World Cup means absolutely nothing. These people have a genetic deficiency and should be Unfriended.
The third group is of those excitable souls who wouldn't know a Manchester United from a Palmer United, but happily get caught up in the swing of things once the party has started. For this group, we have compiled some helpful tidbits to whet the inevitable appetite. For the group-oners, we have a killer vid at the end of this article. Group two-ers can go take a selfie.
WHAT'S HAPPENED SO FAR
For the last couple of years, around 200 national teams have been playing with each other's balls to qualify for this — The 2014 World Cup. Sometimes the bigger names don't make it even this far. This time it's Sweden. In 1994 it was England.GROUP STAGES
There are now 8 groups of 4 teams — all teams within each group will play each other — and the top 2 teams from each group will progress to the knock-out stage (the Round of 16). The group with the toughest opponents is euphemistically called the Group Of Death.This year there are no fewer than 4 groups of death (A, B, D and G). Conversely, the other 4 groups are so lame your granny could get a game. Australia is drawn in Group B, the deathest of death groups. Check the groups here.
GRUDGE
No World Cup is complete without some good ol' fashion grudge. Look out for a potential German - Dutch face-off, and dare to dream for an England - Argentina match-up. In 1986 with Falkland Island tensions still high, the world's best player in Maradonna cheated and punched the ball into the England net; a feat which everyone in the stadium saw — except for the referee. That moment cemented this grudge fixture for generations.20 years later, the Aussies had punched well above their weight to reach the Round Of 16. They were playing Italy and had dogged out a 0-0 result five minutes into added time. Then this ensured that every time Italy ever plays a football game between now and the end of time, any self-repecting Aussie fan will barrack for the other team.
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BEAUTIFUL GAME
You remember that time someone said Rugby League was the beautiful game? Neither do I. But let's not start with that rubbish — all forms of football are highly entertaining at top level. But this is why soccer is the beautiful game. Let's hope for some more in Brazil:FOLLOW THE MONEY
FIFA, the very well respected, not-for-profit, global governing body of Football (which is down to its last billion dollars in reserve, yes really) is not corrupt. At all. As a matter of fact, its beyond-reproach reputation was reinforced when FIFA delegates awarded the 2022 World Cup hosting rights to Qatar.Qatar is located right in the heart of Buttfuck Nowhere (wholly encompassed within the red dot on the map), bolted on to the side of Saudi Arabia. It boasts precisely zero km2 of water and delivers temperatures in the 40s during summer — when the 2022 competition will be played. Size-wise, it's less than twice the size of Brisbane and ranked 164th in the world, smaller than even The Falkland Islands (see 'Grudge' above).
Two FIFA executives were suspended on suspicion of corruption even before the hosting rights vote was taken. Unperturbed, the remaining delegates ensured the footballing powerhouse that is Qatar convincingly beat out bids from Australia (1 vote), United States, South Korea and Japan. Investigations continue.
MORE MONEY
Those only casually acquainted with the salaries of footballers will be surprised to learn that many first grade players in Europe earn the equivalent of the cost of a residental house — every week! Cristiano Ronaldo, god and World Cup cheat, makes 49 million pounds a year.THE DANGEROUS GAME
Two Somali fans were executed for watching World Cup games while 1994 Columbian player Andres Escobar was murdered, rumoured because of a World Cup own goal.SPIRIT OF THE UNDERDOG
The World Cup abounds with stories of upsets where lesser lights and true grit occasionally defy the form guide. The two pedigree 2006 finalists, France and Italy, both failed to make the 2010 Round Of 16, both stunningly finishing last in their respective groups.In 1950 England went into their first World Cup as potential winners after having only lost 4 of its past 30 games. They proceeded to lose 1-0 to an outfit of United States part-timers in a game that will go down as one of the biggest upsets in World Cup history.
16 years later, North Korea (not a misprint) defeated Italy by the same margin. It can be done. Go Australia!
The eccentricities of all of the above add to the flavour of the World Game — the chants, the prima donna men in black, the vuvuzela, but for now here's some action from the men behind the mic:
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and here
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and here
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