In their debut Fringe show, Sophie Miller and Alicia Norton will show you all about how they’ve been there and done that (absolutely all of it) – with all the TMI, juicy, embarrassing details.
Twenty-something and only a little bit jilted, these ladies are ready to take you on a boisterous journey through the trials, tribulations and epic fails of modern day romance.
With a history of dating stories that would make even the toughest out there cringe in despair and horror, let these girls tell you what love is really about. It’s not all doom and gloom though; there’s a light side to every unsolicited photo message from dodgy Tinder matches – you know the ones – and these girls are here to help you see it.
These girls certainly know a thing or two about getting Ade-laid and boy have they got some experience with online dating – so here are five things that these girls would love to tell guys – who might need a little help to assemble a stellar Tinder profile:Never use a group photo for your first shot
Alicia: I mean, how can we tell which one is you? Unless the first photo is of your band – and your band is full of beautiful examples of human specimen. I probably won’t bother to check out the rest of your pics. Swipe left thanks.Sophie: Yeah you don’t want to be the ugly one in a group full of hotties. The girl is going to work it out on the next photo. Be yourself, rip the bandaid and put your ugly mug out there!
Always have a description
Alicia: Do you even have a personality? If you don’t write anything then I’ll assume that you have even less of a personality than the guys who bother to write something – and most of them are dull at best...Sophie: More is less. Say that you like 'The Simpsons' and want to commit and I’m yours!
If you have an adorable dog, we’ll probably swipe right
Alicia: This bitch loves bitches. I will gush over your adorable pet and I won’t even care that you borrowed it from a mate to make you seem like a better person – well, at first anyhow.Sophie: I can just picture it now… We’ll be walking Rover on the beach together, hand in hand in no time. I’ll be swiping right!
Thanks for the heads up but I’m not into couples
Alicia: Yeah if there’s something particularly quirky going on – like you have a shared account with your wife, it’s fabulous to mention that right up front. Like in the description. I won’t swipe right but I’m happy to know that I didn’t waste my time – cheers for that I guess!Sophie: Go back to where you belong swingers, to the internet. Stop filling my dating app space with someone who’s already taken.
Leave something to the imagination (i.e. I’m happy to wait to see you without a shirt)
Alicia: There are a lot more shirtless dudes on Tinder than there are walking around in the street – and I’m impressed! Most of them are ripped as – damn boy, tell me more about how much you can bench press, really please do! It really turns me on... which is a lie. To me, it’s about as impressive as learning you have a stamp collection that spans five book shelves (no disrespect if you do, it’s just not for me).Sophie: I like skinny pasty boys. Not many other girls do apparently. I’m happy for that white beaming chest to be shown off, that’s what I want!!!
'Sophie And Alicia Are Hard To Get... Rid Of' performs The Crown And Anchor Hotel 23-28 February as part of Adelaide Fringe Festival which runs until 14 March.
