What makes a first kiss special?
This is what we asked Chris Drummond, the Artistic Director of Brink Productions, in the lead up to 'First Kiss At Fox Creek'. An event that will see audiences reminisce about first kisses and listen to tall tales about awkward teenage moments, 'First Kiss At Fox Creek' is more of a social event with a few laughs, wine and Zephyr Quartet music.
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“I’m currently travelling for work, for my theatre company Brink Productions, talking to other theatre companies and festivals about international touring for some of the shows Brink has coming up over the next few years, including 'The Aspirations Of Daise Morrow' which opens in Adelaide at the Space Theatre in October. Over the last few days I’ve been in Paris, Vienna, Amsterdam and head to London tomorrow before coming home next week to Adelaide.
“While I’ve been away I’ve been thinking about these incredible cities of romance and how they pretty much fulfil every ideal of the kind of place where you might want to encounter a first kiss. But then I thought about some of my own first kisses and I realised – if you don’t have the right technique, or rather, you employ the WRONG technique – it doesn’t matter whether you’re standing beneath the Eiffel Tower, looking out along the Danube, sailing down a Dutch canal in the moonlight, floating atop the London Eye or parking at Windy Point, things aren’t going to go anywhere near as well as you’d like.
“So I’ve come up with my top 5 tips for beginners, of kissing techniques to be avoided at all costs, and in all locations, no matter what!”
(The marine theme is purely coincidental. It just came out that way.)
The Guppy
This is a common misstep by many beginners. Tightly pursed lips, puckered into little rosebuds, suckling at an invisible teat – insipid, vaguely irritating and definitely an early night in – alone.
The Eel
An ill-advised foray into premature consummation. There’s nothing worse than finding yourself holding back dry gags while someone tries to seduce you with a tonsillectomy by tongue. STOP!
The Groper
Okay, putting aside the obvious issues about inappropriate hands with this heading, there’s also that huge faux pas of the first kiss where the other person tries to swallow you whole by wrapping their mouth around the outside of yours and sucking in the lower half of your face like the first time you played with your mum’s vacuum cleaner. Not a good look on any count!
The Shark
Again, a number of other connotations with this heading, but, put simply – don’t eat! Bashing teeth together is NOT SEXY! But more importantly nor is having your lips or tongue chewed until blood comes out. Nor, should I say, is having your lips tugged so far they could stretch around your own head several times over.
The Rotting Fish
Finally, the worst of them all. It all starts out OK of course. You head out for dinner, maybe a curry and some beers, then onto a club where you have a few vodkas and some naughty cigarettes. Maybe later you grab a quick espresso before kicking on with some more beers and more vodkas and some more naughty cigarettes. Then after a few turns on the dance floor you might even feel a bit dizzy and have a little up-chuck in your mouth, but it’s okay 'cause no one noticed. And then you turn and see them standing in the corner – the most beautiful vision you’ve ever laid eyes on. You HAVE to go over and say hello... this is the moment you’ve both been waiting for. Well… DON’T!! If you kiss that person they may never kiss – or eat – again! LEAVE! NOW!! Get in a taxi, go home, BRUSH YOUR TEETH, and go to bed. Believe me… you’ll both thank me in the morning.
'First Kiss At Fox Creek' will be held at Fox Creek Wines, 8 August. 
