Brisbane's only and greatest jazz, funk, rock & roll and spoken word erotic four-piece band, Nick Watson & The Bawdy Dicks cordially invite you to a musical journey through the tangled and moist (figurative) forest of all that is coital.
What is sex? Does anybody really know? What does it do? How is it done? Nick & The Dicks will be tearing the bodice of all of these questions and more, and exposing the answers to all who see fit, so prepare for the most sexual event since your own conception.
A master of all things titillating and sensual, Nick Watson boasts his Top 4 tips for seduction:
Have lots and lots and lots and heaps of money
If you, (unlike me) don't have lots and lots and heaps of money because you're 'scared' of the consequences of uranium mining – it can be as easy as taking a $20 note to a bank and exchanging for it the sweet gold and silver coins that lovers crave. Carry your new found booty in a shoebox. When approaching the object of your abject lust, rattle the box. Did someone say 'guaranteed swoon?' Yes! I did!
Be a starfish
Given that they reproduce asexually, seduction starfish style is unspeakably simple. So simple that even a star-shaped marine invertebrate belonging to the class Asteroidea can do it. You can too! Scared? Grow the backbone that a starfish never could and quit your whinging! Your heart that now only beats six times a minute is on the line.
Grow a stupid goatee and wear more flat caps
(Note #1: This is not an actual, legitimate tip, but works on the premise that if more people who aren't you do it, by comparison, you will be made an instant seductive hit.)(Note #2: This tip has not been tried by any of us but hey, if it works, we demand $20 in assorted coins.)
Be in an erotic jazz band
Nick Watson & The Bawdy Dicks perform 'Sexual Education' at the New Globe Theatre for Brisbane Fringe Festival, 27 August.
