Lady Lex examines the sideboob phenomenon.
Fun bags. Blouse bunnies. Hooters. Lactoids. Moo Moos. Orbs. Breastacles. Mammaries. Boobies. They’re weird-looking bags of fat. They’re meant for milk (not great for the lactose intolerant). You can see them anytime, anywhere (given the number on the internet alone). They have little muscle tissue. But yet they wield incredible power.
Empires have fallen. Entire countries have been scandalised. Millions of magazines have been sold. Every second person in the world has them. Their appeal has endured across the centuries. Both women and men are fixated on them — gay and straight.
And in the western world, where it is illegal to walk down the street baring one’s boobage (even the natural recourse of breastfeeding one’s young is stupidly reacted to by many with great outrage), the thirst (no pun intended) to observe the twin peaks — the fatty tissue that bestows the exquisite curve of human breasts that sway and jiggle with that swell — has very little to do with milk production.
We develop a sexual fascination with wahwahs from breastfeeding. The unconscious bond between mother and infant lasts an entire lifetime and we — both men and women — continue to seek it. But, as Seinfeld infamously noted, staring at snuggle pups is "like looking at the sun; you don’t stare at it. It’s too risky. Ya get a sense of it and then you look away."
Cleavage is just so obvious. While men can and will be told to ‘look up here’, it is the new cleavage that has much more of a thrill to it. The new cleavage means we get our sugar plum fix, with the titillation that maybe, just maybe, we might get to see nipple. Today’s hot new style trick is sideboob. Glorious, glorious sideboob.
Sideboob is boob we’re not meant to see. Sideboob is sneaky boob. It’s taboo. It’s illicit boob. Boob by accident. Sideboob is a sneak attack. There’s no time to prepare, no idea it was even happening. It’s the new subtle and sexy.
In an age of dipping necklines, women have found all sorts of ways of defying the natural order with chicken fillets, breast enhancers and even fake nipples. Full frontal has become boring and old. It’s in your face everyday. People want what they can’t have. If it’s there in your face, it’s no longer a big deal. Sideboob titillates and thrills because it’s a hint of better things to come.
The beauty of sideboob is that it shows the real indication of the muchachas. There’s nothing to hide with sideboob. It’s the real deal. There’s no ruse with sideboob. No deception. No bra magic. Unlike cleavage, you can study it for as long as it’s available to see. And you can study the full shape, size and substance without burning your eyes.
It takes a special set of balls for a woman to display sideboob. When a woman shows off sideboob, it’s an immediate sign she’s secure in her body confidence and sexiness. Showing off your sideboob comes with a special poise for a subtle sex appeal.
You can have great sideboob in a bikini or a designer gown. Another advantage of sideboob is that girls with perky and/or small mounds can show some sideboob and feel sexy about it. It’s the only form of cleavage a girl with diminutive bons bons can get away with displaying, and not be judged badly for it. (The edge of big milk cans can be great too, but saggy sideboob is a mistake.)
A woman will always be criticised for showing too much cleavage but very rarely get condemned for showing sideboob, because sideboob is perfectly acceptable: you’re showing enough without showing too much.
Ever since Angelina Jolie dropped her towel in Tomb Raider uttering, “Yes, a lady should be modest”, sideboob has gained greater appreciation and exhibition. Its interesting to note that Angelina Jolie (being the innovator that she is) appears to have been an advocate of sideboob for quite some time.
Within the last few years, especially, the sideboob has crept up on us to become the newest and hottest fashion trick. More and more t-shirts are now made to showcase sideboob. High-necked dresses simultaneously allow for peaks at sideboob yet still maintain a lady’s modesty. Sideboob is welcomed on the dancefloor, family BBQs, cocktail parties and even the red carpet. While sideboob technically belongs on the margins, it certainly deserves its time in the sun.
Sideboob is here to stay.
As long as it's not replaced by sidebutt, that is.
