Last night I ventured to the Brisbane Convention Centre to witness Russell Brand, not really knowing what to expect. The self-confessed ‘Mrs Katy Perry’ has been a media wet dream ready to downpour at any moment, and there have been many a cyclone over the last two or three years when it’s come to Russell’s not-so-private life.
But is he an egotistical prat or a genuinely misunderstood celebrity and recovering drug addict? I thought the former, but after a 90-minute tour de force, I left a convert — not the type who would be willing to throw his body towards the man with the black locks to challenge Messr Jesus' curls (I lost count of how many folks tried to do that somewhere around 25 — both sexes as well); or whisper to him “I’m a horny stripper” with his microphone less than 3mm away; or flash my boobs like the two girls did from row XX for what seemed like the longest five seconds ever — Russell certainly didn’t mind the delay!
No, no, no. Rather, I was impressed by Russell’s intellect — discussing the size of our solar system in the scheme of the entire universe and how “amazing” that is to illustrate why it’s ridiculous that sections of the community still find time to object passionately to men ejaculating in other men’s arses when there are so many other wonders to discover.
Or his voyage into the world of quantum physics and the theories of David Icke that had Russell convinced he should tell the world the Queen is in fact a lizard while performing ‘I Am The Walrus’ atop a psyhedeilic bus during the London Olympics Closing Ceremony.
This wasn’t over-the-top schoolboy toilet humour either. Russell had an agenda to enlighten the bigotry of the world, which he did with aplomb throughout his performance. His physically hysterical impersation of Federal Opposition Leader Tony Abbott masturbating, along with a story about his mate who misheard Thorpedo being introduced at the Royal Wedding earlier this year as “a pedo”, while met with plenty of belly laughs, still left many unimpressed. 
But fuck ‘em. Russell, it was a pleasure hearing you regale Brisbane with many a tale from your wonderful array of crazy and wacky adventures. Hopefully your hand didn’t fall off while signing all those autographs post show; and did you get that massage from one of your “night wives”? To find out how Russell came to have a “plastic Pyrenees stabbing his penis” just moments before his Olympics performance, see him at one of the following shows:
Russell Brand Tour Dates 2012
Fri Dec 7 — Rod Laver Arena (Melbourne)Sat Dec 8 — Sydney Entertainment Centre
Mon Dec 10 — Brisbane Convention Centre
