Heath Franklin is about to do something pretty out of character.
No, literally – his new show 'Out Of Character'. After years of being known as 'the guy who does Chopper', Heath is stepping out from behind the fake tattoos and sunglasses, as he works on a new character – himself. Turns out, he's pretty funny!
Don't worry, there'll still be that sense of familiarity with the award-winning comedian – who has made waves in Australia and overseas. He's sold more than 500,000 tickets worldwide, has a number of live comedy specials, two ARIA nominations and a Logie nomination.
Now, he's about to take to the stage with a lot more Heath and a lot less Chopper moustache.
In the meantime, Heath's got a confession to make. He's done something pretty bad. . . And felt like sharing it. Here, he pens an open letter.
“To whom it may concern,
I am writing this because I have a confession to make. Recently I hit a junior real estate agent with my car. Even though he ran out in front of me, so it's not technically my fault, I will admit I could have done more to avoid it. I didn’t really try to brake or swerve.
I knew it was a junior real estate agent because when I made impact he exploded in a cloud of business cards and glossy A4 brochures. As I got out I noticed that I hit him so hard that his three-sizes-too-small Tarocash suit pants had burst at the seams and his patent leather loafers had been knocked hither and thither leaving his little sockette-covered feet wiggling in distress.
I searched him for a home address but his business card just had his phone number and email. He was carrying brochures with the address of hundreds of houses but ironically none of them were his. I didn’t know what to do, I mean when you hit something with your car you usually call a vet or WIRES but I didn’t think they would know what to do with a junior real estate agent.
Do they even microchip junior real estate agents? He was clearly in a bad way because he just kept muttering ‘is my fade okay?’ and some nonsense about a ‘motivated vendor’ and a ‘renovator's dream’. I decided to wrap him up in a towel and take him home. I put him in a cardboard box next to the fire place to keep him warm and fed him milk and honey from a dropper and low-carb protein balls.
He still isn’t making much sense but he is getting stronger by the day. I know ‘missing’ is a strong word to describe the absence of a real estate agent but I have put up posters on telegraph poles around the neighbourhood and if that doesn’t work I will try to drive him to open homes in the area to see if someone can claim him. If they don’t, I have decided to rehabilitate him at home and rescue him from the inherent cruelty of working in the property market.
I hope to retrain him as something with more dignity, like a busker or a magician. The kids have grown quite fond of him and have even asked if they can name him but I don’t want them getting too close as I am worried that the time will come where we can no longer keep a junior real estate agent in the house. I am also worried that I have taken a shine to the little fella, and will admit having him around has brought the whole family together, and may have even saved my marriage.
I guess it's true what they say, sometimes when you think you’ve rescued a junior real estate agent, they have actually rescued you.
Insincerely, Heath Franklin”
I am writing this because I have a confession to make. Recently I hit a junior real estate agent with my car. Even though he ran out in front of me, so it's not technically my fault, I will admit I could have done more to avoid it. I didn’t really try to brake or swerve.
I knew it was a junior real estate agent because when I made impact he exploded in a cloud of business cards and glossy A4 brochures. As I got out I noticed that I hit him so hard that his three-sizes-too-small Tarocash suit pants had burst at the seams and his patent leather loafers had been knocked hither and thither leaving his little sockette-covered feet wiggling in distress.
I searched him for a home address but his business card just had his phone number and email. He was carrying brochures with the address of hundreds of houses but ironically none of them were his. I didn’t know what to do, I mean when you hit something with your car you usually call a vet or WIRES but I didn’t think they would know what to do with a junior real estate agent.
Do they even microchip junior real estate agents? He was clearly in a bad way because he just kept muttering ‘is my fade okay?’ and some nonsense about a ‘motivated vendor’ and a ‘renovator's dream’. I decided to wrap him up in a towel and take him home. I put him in a cardboard box next to the fire place to keep him warm and fed him milk and honey from a dropper and low-carb protein balls.
He still isn’t making much sense but he is getting stronger by the day. I know ‘missing’ is a strong word to describe the absence of a real estate agent but I have put up posters on telegraph poles around the neighbourhood and if that doesn’t work I will try to drive him to open homes in the area to see if someone can claim him. If they don’t, I have decided to rehabilitate him at home and rescue him from the inherent cruelty of working in the property market.
I hope to retrain him as something with more dignity, like a busker or a magician. The kids have grown quite fond of him and have even asked if they can name him but I don’t want them getting too close as I am worried that the time will come where we can no longer keep a junior real estate agent in the house. I am also worried that I have taken a shine to the little fella, and will admit having him around has brought the whole family together, and may have even saved my marriage.
I guess it's true what they say, sometimes when you think you’ve rescued a junior real estate agent, they have actually rescued you.
Insincerely, Heath Franklin”
Heath Franklin plays Factory Theatre (Sydney Comedy Festival) 17-21 May and Brisbane Powerhouse (Brisbane Comedy Festival) 25-28 May.
