Felicity Ward is a multi-award winning, Melbourne-based, stand-up comedian, comic performer, writer and actor. With her new show, 'The Iceberg', coming to the respective Brisbane, Melbourne and Sydney Comedy Festivals, she has listed her five essential items needed when on a iceberg.
1. A polar bear suit. I don’t want to get bashed by polar bears. I wanna blend in. My guess is there’s gonna be a lot around, and I don’t mean that climactically incongruous Bundy Bear. Why is he hanging out in Queensland? It’s boiling there. And no one ever drank Bundy ‘cause it cooled you down. I have a feeling it’s a marketing ploy.
2. Bundaberg Rum. I know very little about the polar bear as a species but as aforementioned: big rum drinkers. It’ll be duty free prices too so I should be able to buy it on the cheap. I don’t drink it, but they may see it as a peace offering/ house warming gift. Where do polar bears sleep? Caves? Igloos? Polar stacks on? Man, I gotta do some more research.
3. Raspberry and coke flavouring. As I said I don’t drink, so if I’m gonna party with the black skinned/ translucent haired bears, I need my own mixers and what says ‘party time’ like a slushee on an iceberg? If life gives you snow, make snow cones. That’s how the saying goes, guys.
4. A dead sea lion. Despite my petite frame and measly body mass, I still think I’d be considered a meal by a starving polar bear. Like one of those polar bears who’ve been on the 5-2 diet. Five days eating, two days starving. If I bring a dead sea lion with me, then I’m offering them Steak Dianne against a toothpick entrée.
5. A down-lined blanket. I hear it gets a bit chilly up that way, you know, where there’s ice. And if I can’t sit on a couch of snow but still move my arms enough to reach the remote control, I’ll feel really suffocated.
{youtube}ffioM66bJvs{/youtube}Felicity performs ‘The Iceberg’
Tue Mar 18 - Sun Mar 23 - Brisbane Comedy Festival @ Brisbane PowerhouseThu Mar 27 - Sun Apr 20 - Melbourne Comedy Festival @ The Cube, Federation Square
Mon Apr 07 - Mon Apr 14 - Melbourne Comedy Festival @ Melbourne Town Hall
Thu May 08 - Sun May 11 - Sydney Comedy Festival @ Enmore Theatre
