When she was 26, Bianka Ismailovski succumbed to social pressures to get married – until she hit 30 and decided to break free and live life.
It's fair to say that was a good move – the comedian, actor, broadcaster and pole-dancer says marriage isn't for her, and that's just fine. Now, she's living her best life. She's discovered more about her sexual orientation, experienced the world of non-monogamy, and gained a following across TikTok and Instagram.
Bianka's 'Damsel Undistressed' podcast is more of this – sex positivity, straight-up chats and explorations of all things marriage, divorce, dark moments, and an invitation for her listeners to live their best life.
Playing Melbourne International Comedy Festival, live show 'Can't Be Tamed' sees Bianka divulging everything she's experienced post-divorce. We get more information on the show from Bianka herself.
What’s ‘Can’t Be Tamed’ all about?
It's about how my life got substantially better post-divorce, and all the hijinx that a woman can get up to when she stops trying to fit into whatever box society thinks she should be in.
How does the writing of a show start for you? Where does it all begin?
I literally write my comedy in my head. It almost always starts in the shower, I get my best work done in there. An idea just pops in and I just start speaking it out loud and then it just snowballs from there. I am a storyteller comedian so I'm usually just self-reflecting on my life and then think "oh that piece of trauma would make a great bit". I don't write jokes, I live them. I'm the joke, I guess?
What was the biggest challenge you came across when writing ‘Can’t Be Tamed’?
Trying to not get on my soapbox! I love that I can inspire other women with my comedy and I think I can and do help people a lot – but I don't want to just get up there and sh.t all over marriage and monogamy and other people's way of life. I want to empower my audience to maybe just think differently (in a really funny and relatable way), however, I am talking about some really confronting themes in my show, so it can often be difficult to toe the line there.
What is the best thing you’ve learned in post-divorce life?
I've learnt marriage isn't for me – haha, which seems like a very obvious and uninspiring thing to learn, but truly it has given me such a sense of freedom. To no longer be living my life with this idea that I am going to grow up and become a wife and a mother, it liberated me to do whatever the hell I want. I also discovered I am bisexual, got into group sex, and learnt I actually can have vaginal orgasms – so. . . You know, plenty of good lessons there, babe.
Do you have any advice for women feeling that societal pressure to be married?
Yep – get married immediately, get it out of your system, end it and move on with your life. Nah, but for real, stop romanticising romance and relationships. Love is great, and I love being in love – but stop revering monogamy and the idea of spending your life with one person. There's so much more to life than being someone else's someone.
You’re the host of a Top 20 iTunes charting podcast! What made you want to start ‘Damsel Undistressed’?
Wow, is it really Top 20? Haha, I didn't even know! I honestly just wanted to help empower other women. Not just to help them realise there's more to life than getting married, but also to help those who have gone through divorce. There's so much shame surrounding it, and I wanted to help free women from that shame. And to be honest, I think I've done a good job of that so far.
What’s your favourite part of having this podcast?
Oh just how amazing it is to unpack my trauma in a public forum. I initially started the podcast thinking it would be a comedy but for the most part it's just me crying and unpacking all of my deepest trauma, ha, but you know what, it's better that way. Because my favourite thing is that so many people hear me crying and they resonate really deeply with the things I'm saying. It's also great to find out I can do both – be funny, but also really deep. I didn't know I was so multifaceted!
What’s the main message you want people to take away from ‘Can’t Be Tamed’?
That not all women are made to be wives and mothers, and that we can rebel against a society that tells us that's what we should be. Also that a divorce isn't the end! It can actually be really liberating. Also that maybe you should try a threesome if you haven't already.
Bianka Ismailovski plays Trades Hall (Melbourne International Comedy Festival) 11-24 April.
