Australian comedy legend Chopper is stopping by Adelaide Fringe.
In 'The Silencer', Heath Franklin's Chopper will address everything from anti-vaxxers, to lockdowns, to Karens.
The outrage is deafening and it's time it was all put to rest. Chopper is done with suffering fools.
Before he takes to the Fringe stage, he gives us a piece of his mind and a list of five things only Chopper could come up with. . .
“There has never been a PM that does as little work as this bloke. There are French consonants that do more than Scott Morrison. He is a donkey with the word ‘Ferrari’ spray painted on the side. Now because people are idiots they are going to assume that because I hate Morrison, I love Albanese. I don’t, he looks like someone drew a face on a knee and has all the charisma of a wet sandwich.
“Would he do a better job as PM than Scotty? Yes. Absolutely. Why? Because literally anything would do a better job as PM than Scotty, but here’s my top five.”
One
A melon with a flap hat on it.Two
A framed photo of Scott Morrison. Since all he does is stand around smiling like he’s in an ad for a lobotomy, he could be replaced by a photo of himself. We wouldn’t have to pay the photo and it would be easier to transport, no need for Shark One anymore.Three
A hose reel. Because it DOES hold a hose. Not that that’s hard, anything with an opposable thumb can hold a hose, so that’s all primates. Even a fork in a tree can hold a hose.Four
A post-it note that says ‘COVID exists’. Scotty keeps forgetting COVID exists. He forgot to buy RATs and boosters and make sure hospitals were staffed before he told us to live with the virus. He also must’ve forgotten to tell all those people who died of the virus that they were supposed to live with the virus.Five
A packet of ham from the servo. Ham from the servo is always inexplicably damp. Ham shouldn’t be damp, but you can wipe it off on something like a napkin or your shorts and still put it in a sandwich. You can’t wipe Scott Morrison off and put him in a sandwich. You could give the ham sandwich to a person in an aged care facility and it would have done more than Scott Morrison.Heath Franklin's Chopper plays Top Of The Ark at Arkaba Hotel (Adelaide Fringe) 24 February. He also presents 'Chopper's Big F**ken Late Show' at The Roundhouse at The Garden Of Unearthly Delights 25-26 February.
