5 Signs You're Getting Older With Comedian Alice Fraser

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Alice Fraser Alice Fraser Image © Steve Ullathorne

’Chronos' is Alice Fraser's show about time, and 'chronos' also happens to mean 'time’.


The award-winning comedian, writer, producer and podcaster Alice will be turning time inside out and back to front, but don't worry, it's going to be fun, and no one will die. . . Except everyone. Because everyone eventually dies.

Alice has taken her shows across to Edinburgh, London, New York, Cambridge and many places in between, and it's time for her to unveil this new creation to Australian audiences.

Ahead of her show, Alice lists five signs to look out for which mean you're getting older.

One

You wonder if you’re getting older. If you wonder if you’re getting older, the answer is yes, but probably not as much as you think you are. When you’re actually old, you’ll look back on your youthful queries with fond contempt.

Two

You’re passing milestones you didn’t see coming. I don’t know when I hit the transition point, but one day I woke up and realised that if I told you I was married, you wouldn’t automatically assume I was religious. I’m in that window now, where normal people choose to get married and it’s not weird. Weird.

Three

You begin to out-grow authority figures. If you’re the same age as a doctor or policeman, or someone in a suit going to work, you’re it now. Millennials particularly have a nasty habit of pretending like adulthood is a sort of whimsical cosplay. Mate, you don’t get to complain about the state of the world if you’re making your way on to the property ladder – the world’s your problem now. Pay your taxes or overthrow the government, do not pass go, do not collect $200 unless you’re entitled to a rebate because this isn’t a game.



Four

You have to figure out how to get your parents in order. Whether it’s making them go to the doctor or educating them about the regular software updates to socially acceptable vocabulary, all of a sudden you have to figure out where your parents’ steering column is and if you can safe-crack your way into their logical processes in order to prevent them going off the rails. This is called being a grown-up, and it’s the worst, because you realise that even the daddest of dads or the most matriarchal of mums have only ever been as much of a grown-up as you are right now.

Five

You wonder if it’s too late. Part of getting older is wondering if it’s too late. Too late to sort your life out, too late to change careers or learn a language or an instrument or elope to a tropical island with the cutie you’ve been staring at from the other side of the bus carriage. The answer is probably not. Biological realities aside (the Olympics is likely forever out of your reach, but that’s true for most young people too), it’s not too late to take a swing at something new. I remember thinking at 19 that it was too late to start playing the guitar, because everyone who was good had already been playing for years.

Now, marginally older than 19 (though not quite old enough that if I told you I was getting married you’d assume it was my second) I look back and think, well, that was dumb. I should have picked up the guitar and been bad at it for a while. Maybe I should still do that now, or I’ll look back in another ten years and kick myself again.

Life goes past fast and we have very efficient brains – we put a lot of things on autopilot and fall into habits that can make our days blend into a comfortable porridge-y sludge. The important thing is to break up that sludge with new, exciting challenges. Even difficult things can give you life, so go out there and try them.

Alice Fraser plays Enmore Theatre (Sydney Comedy Festival) 6-9 May.

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