Demi Lardner is full of surprises.
There's no doubt she'll be bringing the laughs, but the rest remains a mystery. Just like here... Where she lists five great lyrics to put into your MSN Messenger profile name.
You'll have to suspend your disbelief when it comes to the fact that MSN sadly shut down not too long ago... But that's okay! A little innocent nostalgia trip every now and then doesn't hurt.
Five
(x)(8)(*)LuCy1NtheSKYwithD1AMond5(*)(8)(x)Starting off with a classic, this shows that you have slightly more refined tastes than the rest of your grade. You're not interested in fingerblasting in the kayak shed at lunch. you'd rather sip your tea and eat a book.
Four
(K)(U)~~~i M M a s l a V e 4U~~~(U)(K)You and Tim dry-humped at the museum sleepover so it's time to put your new horny mons-rash-stricken status out there. This Britney classic is sure to do the trick, letting people know that now you've rubbed your nine pubes off on the inside of your button-up Levis, you're ready to do a big wristy, and Tim's the lucky 'Family Guy' shirt personified to receive it.
Three
-x- where are you? and im so sorry, i cannot sleep, i cannot dream tonight -x-Tim went to see 'Don't Mess With The Zohan' with Amy Caruso instead of you so he can go f... himself .
Two
i see you lying next to me with words i thought id never speakkkk, awake and unafraid, asleep or DEAD (w)(w)You're a mysterious soul. You don't care what everybody thinks of you, because your mum let you get a tongue ring in year seven and once you puked in a McDonalds slide because you skulled "like a whole Woodstock tin". You manufacture mascara tear-streaks down your cheeks and scowl if anybody asks you what's wrong. Of course, nobody really does, because you bit Mrs. London on the cheek last month when she criticised your handwriting.
One
<3 <3 sugar were going down swinging -x- j -x-Controversial number one because they're sellouts now. But you knew them before anyone else did. You knew them before they were cool. You knew them before they were even a band. You knew them when Pete Wentz lived in his dad's balls. Plus Tim told Amy he thinks shes a bit of a slut and put your name back in his profile in between a <3 and a (k) so you need something just pass-agg enough to let him know he's desperate whore jordan touch his stiffy under pillow at jess's birthday sleepover.
Demi Lardner Tour 2019
5-16 Mar - Masonic Lodge (Adelaide Fringe Festival)19-24 Mar - Brisbane Powerhouse
28 Mar-21 Apr - The Greek Centre (Melbourne International Comedy Festival)
15-19 May - The Factory Theatre (Sydney Comedy Festival)
