Death eventually finds us all – but we don't all have the opportunity to get a job off him. Mort was lucky though.
From the legendary Discworld author Sir Terry Pratchett comes Mort's story. A young man chosen as Death's apprentice, Mort receives board and lodging, free use of the company horse and doesn't even need time off for his grandmother's funeral. His boss, Death, is a 7ft tall skeleton who is fond of cats, enjoys a good curry and rides around the skies carrying his scythe on his white horse named Binky.
It seems easy, but trouble begins when Mort is left in charge for an evening. Allowing his heart to rule his head, soon the future of a princess and the entire Discworld are at risk.
Mort (Callum Pulsford) takes us mere mortals inside the life of the undead and controlling the reaper.
What's it like being Death's apprentice?
It’s, uh, fun isn’t the word. Interesting, I guess. It’s been hard to adjust to not just seeing people die every night, but being a part of it. Particularly when you start meeting people who don’t deserve to die. I mean, it’s hard to just stand around making sure whatever’s fated to happen, er, happens.
Does he make you do all the jobs he doesn't want to?
Well, it’s a bit of give and take. I take care of the horse – or, well, the stables at least – and do a bit of the actual Duty. He does most of the paperwork. For the most part, he just seems to be interested in giving me the jobs that make me have to hang around with his daughter (she’s adopted, it’s a long story). I mean, you have to wonder if Death really needs an apprentice – he’s death, isn’t he? I mean, he’s not going anywhere…
How much mess do you have to clean up?
Depends on the job. Some people, they just can’t wait to go, but others want to hang around. Royalty are always a problem, they’re all:
"...but know, thou noble youth,
The serpent that did sting thy Fathers life,
Now wears his crown."
Bunch of drama really. The real trouble comes from Witches and Wizards. We have an, er, arrangement. They get to know when they die – and they sure want to take their time about it. No consideration, not even if you’re in a hurry…
What's Death like as a … person?
Oh, well, he’s a bit distant I guess. That’s it, really, he’s not a person. He tries, and he does a decent job sometimes, but he can’t really get it. He makes cottages, gardens, a fish pond – but they’re all copies of things he’s seen elsewhere. I’m not even sure we can call him a he. Death is a skeleton, I don’t even know why I call him a him…
Does Death seek happiness, or is he happy?I don’t know how long he’s been going before he took me on as an apprentice, but I don’t know if he’s ever been happy. I don’t think he really does emotions, he doesn’t understand them and he certainly doesn’t have them. He tries, but I don’t think he ever really gets there.
How do you decide whose time it is?
I’m still the apprentice, so I do what I’m told for the most part. He’s been giving me a lot more time out in the field recently… I hope that doesn’t mean anything...
Are you in love with the Princess of Sto Lat?
Hard to be sure, if I’m honest. I mean, just because you save someone’s life doesn’t mean you should fall in love with each other. I mean, she’s really pretty. Very, very pretty. But you shouldn’t just rush into these things... Even if they are that pretty.
Do you think you're far off a promotion?
I can’t help but feel that would be a bad idea. I mean, I think I could handle the extra responsibility, but I don’t know what Death would do. It’s not like he could just retire to a nice cottage in Pseudopolis or something...
Have you spent much time with Callum – what's he like?
A bit boring, if I’m honest. He’s more interested in his law and psychology degree than the secrets of time and space.
Do you think Callum could handle the job you do?
I don’t know. My career requires a specialised skill set, like being able to walk through walls and things. I mean, he doesn’t even have a horse. Can’t be Death without the horse, it’s an essential part.
What kind of job do you think would best suit Callum?
Something quiet with a lot of books. I mean, we both love to read, but he’d rather be in a nice warm office with a coffee machine on his desk than out reaping souls or anything.
'Mort' plays Brisbane Arts Theatre 22 August – 3 October.
