Ever wondered what psychiatrists talk about when they get together?... You!
But... What if a psychiatrist has more problems than you? Who do they go to?
Stewart McMillan and Awkward Productions have come up with 'Allen', a dark comedy about the unravelling of fictional character Dr Jeremy Roberts.
Jeremy has had enough. Here, he pens an open letter to one Dr Harrow, giving an insight into what to expect with the show.
“Hey Dr Harrow,
It’s really quite inconvenient that you’ve disappeared. I mean, did you even think about the effect this would have on me, your other patients, your family… And me? Some little, bearded, wheelchair clad man has taken your place; Dr… Blane? He look’s like a garden gnome on wheels. Anyway, he’s one of those 'believe in yourself and the power to heal yourself, then your true self will….' I don’t know, turn into a butterfly or some crap. I NEED MY MEDICATION! Not incense, prayer beads and positive reinforcement tapes!
Things are getting worse and I keep getting more and more walk-ins every day! Become a psychiatrist they said, it’ll be fun they said, PEOPLE ARE SO NEEDY! I don’t want to admit it but I’m only just holding it together, I abused another patient today! Ok, so maybe I’m not holding things together as well as I hoped. But don’t worry, I didn’t go the full Kevin Spacey, it was only verbal! I just feel so used you know? Like a dishwasher. People come in, load me up with their dirty shit and expect it cleaned in an hour only to mess it again the next day!
And ever since I helped that fat kid out, you remember the one I told you about? The one that makes that sound when he walks with the low self-esteem issues? Well anyway, he must be telling all his mates at school cos I’m getting all these kids coming to me with their stupid little problems. 'Er Jamey stole my boyfriend', 'I still wet the bed', 'Mr Bartlet touched me again!'? Uhhh it’s always the same and I don’t care! They smell too, you know? Different to adults, it’s disgusting.
I’m just surrounded by so much negativity and I know you said to try new hobbies to take my mind off it, so I’ve started amusing myself by sometimes prescribing the wrong medication to the kids, just to get a laugh at the side effects. That’s probably not what you meant, but you should see it! Jack Pearson still can’t lower his eyebrows, he’s been walking around looking surprised at everything for months! Little Sally Field still screams every time she sees her own hands, Mike Porter now faints every time he has to fart and let me tell you, with that kid’s diet, he’s practically in a coma. And Rowena Taylor can’t say the word cheese… Actually, I don’t think that was from the medication, she’s just odd…
Anyhoo, I’d better go. This girl on the couch has been talking for the last 20 minutes and it’s getting to the point where I’ll probably have to respond soon.
Hope they find you...
Dr Jeremy Roberts.”
It’s really quite inconvenient that you’ve disappeared. I mean, did you even think about the effect this would have on me, your other patients, your family… And me? Some little, bearded, wheelchair clad man has taken your place; Dr… Blane? He look’s like a garden gnome on wheels. Anyway, he’s one of those 'believe in yourself and the power to heal yourself, then your true self will….' I don’t know, turn into a butterfly or some crap. I NEED MY MEDICATION! Not incense, prayer beads and positive reinforcement tapes!
Things are getting worse and I keep getting more and more walk-ins every day! Become a psychiatrist they said, it’ll be fun they said, PEOPLE ARE SO NEEDY! I don’t want to admit it but I’m only just holding it together, I abused another patient today! Ok, so maybe I’m not holding things together as well as I hoped. But don’t worry, I didn’t go the full Kevin Spacey, it was only verbal! I just feel so used you know? Like a dishwasher. People come in, load me up with their dirty shit and expect it cleaned in an hour only to mess it again the next day!
And ever since I helped that fat kid out, you remember the one I told you about? The one that makes that sound when he walks with the low self-esteem issues? Well anyway, he must be telling all his mates at school cos I’m getting all these kids coming to me with their stupid little problems. 'Er Jamey stole my boyfriend', 'I still wet the bed', 'Mr Bartlet touched me again!'? Uhhh it’s always the same and I don’t care! They smell too, you know? Different to adults, it’s disgusting.
I’m just surrounded by so much negativity and I know you said to try new hobbies to take my mind off it, so I’ve started amusing myself by sometimes prescribing the wrong medication to the kids, just to get a laugh at the side effects. That’s probably not what you meant, but you should see it! Jack Pearson still can’t lower his eyebrows, he’s been walking around looking surprised at everything for months! Little Sally Field still screams every time she sees her own hands, Mike Porter now faints every time he has to fart and let me tell you, with that kid’s diet, he’s practically in a coma. And Rowena Taylor can’t say the word cheese… Actually, I don’t think that was from the medication, she’s just odd…
Anyhoo, I’d better go. This girl on the couch has been talking for the last 20 minutes and it’s getting to the point where I’ll probably have to respond soon.
Hope they find you...
Dr Jeremy Roberts.”
