Ash Flanders will always love Dolly Parton. She is his happiness, his idol and he has high hopes that one day she will be his mother too.
In Ash's upcoming 'Special Victim' performance at the Adelaide Cabaret Festival, his charming wrath wrapped in glitter will shower audiences in stories of hope, loss, white privilege, velvet rage and effeminate ennui – with song – award-winning performer Ash Flanders takes the world – and himself – to task. From the River Nile in Egypt, to the Sphinx Hotel in Geelong, from Charles Manson to King Charles Spaniels, 'Special Victim' bombards you with deep thoughts from a determinedly shallow victim.
Described by The Age as “...equal parts Dolly Parton, Liberace and John Waters”, Ash longs to be adopted by Dolly Parton (or at least be allowed to touch her wig). So Dolly, this rationale is directed to you:
Because Wigs
I would always understand why you spend more time caring for your lace-fronts than hanging out with your only son. We both know the family motto – 'people die, wigs are forever'.
Because Love
I've already met and fallen deeply in love with your costume designer Liberace Steve. Imagine, he could rhinestone my wedding dress before the Tennessee townsfolk arrive with pitchforks and guns! Hey mum, we're already making memories!!!
Because Fear
Mum... I didn't want to bring this up, but when we were reviewed in the paper on the same day (I'm sure you framed the clipping like I did) we received THE SAME AMOUNT OF STARS. I even celebrated with this cake! Together we could rule the world... but separately I have no choice but to take you down, Dolly dearest.
Because Guilt
I have spent over $5,000 on you, mother. I flew to Dollywood, I did '9 To 5' the musical on Broadway, I attended both your Australian concerts AND I even went to Dixie Stampede, your horse-show theatre-restaurant in Pigeon Forge – AND it turned out my boyfriend is allergic to horses, so HE ALMOST DIED (maybe)!!! Don't you kinda feel like you owe me an adoption?{youtube}UbxUSsFXYo4{/youtube}
Because Truth
I didn't want to bring this up, but you leave me no choice. My good mates on the 9/11 truther message boards finally put their powerful paranoia to good use and proved WITHOUT A DOUBT that YOU'RE ALREADY MY MOTHER. Head to ASHFLANDERSWASANINSIDEJOB.com to find out more, sheeple.
Ash Flanders performs 'Special Victim' at the Adelaide Cabaret Festival, 10-12 June. 
