Well you really fucked that up, Australia.
Once upon a time, someone thought it would be a good idea for Coopers to be associated with the same sex marriage debate. And so last week, Bible Society Australia released a video of a debate between two MPs each cradling a Coopers.
Perhaps the video was a 'gift' from the Society to the family-owned brewer which recently released a commemorative beer to celebrate 200 years of charitable work done by the Bible Society?
There's no way Coopers dreamed up this pitch. Have you seen their branding any time in the last, oh, 20 years? Never mind the actual video states the debate is brought to you by the Bible Society and never mind Coopers subsequently released a statement saying they didn't sanction any such production. But don't let that stop your #alternativefacts
Such was the whipped-up hysteria – OK, arrant bullshit – from lightweight thought leaders such as Pedestrian TV that people went out of their damn minds. Mob hysteria took hold. For 24 hours.
Inner-city pubs were pouring the good stuff out on the streets making overt displays of breaking up with Coopers. It wasn't sufficient to turn off the kegs (where's the mileage in a quiet 'Unfriend'?). In true social media style it was to be done with panache and grandiose pronouncement. Get Up had a petition rolling and the hate was raging.
Twent four hours later and it's probably time for everyone to just have a good think about what very naughty boys and girls they have been. As I write, self-aggrandising protest videos are being deleted all over social media. #whatvideo #idontevenknowwhatabandwagonis
But just for shits and giggles let's pretend Coopers did have their paws (pours?) all over the video. Let's say one of the members of the Coopers family privately did give this a little nudge. So what? Can we not have a debate in this country? Did the mob even watch the video? The debate was a civil one – and frankly one which the 'pro-same sex marriage guy' was winning.
Sure, the debate might be old. Sure, the country might have decided quite some time ago what it reckons on the subject. Indeed this media organisation ceased its 20-plus-year commitment to a queer column a few years ago [coz, you know, it's 2017].
But surely people can have a debate if they want to? Here's a debate. It's from four years ago featuring Australia's Prime Minister's then-opposition to gay marriage.
The 'pro-gay guy' in the Bible Society video was Tim Wilson, Liberal MP, former Human Rights Commissioner – and an openly gay man. In case you missed that, a former Human Rights Commissioner and openly-gay man.
Notwithstanding Tim's credentials and skin in the game, he was reduced, by Ben McLeay, writing on Pedestrian TV to all of a "white middle-aged Liberal MP"; with McLeay appearing to set a world record for managing to ham-fist his biases of politics, ageism and reverse racism into five words. Stunning. McLeay was also very comfortable abusing facts that would make The Donald blush.
At time of writing, his piece had been liked 337 times and shared 950 times, Tweeted 116. Quite a body count. Albeit one without any semblance of a brain attached. As the Bible Society might say in respect of all players, "Jesus, what were they thinking?"
Footnote: no headlines were harmed in the writing of this piece – especially ones such as 'Brew Ha Ha Over Nothing'.