Sammy J & Randy Land: The Embezzlement

Sammy J & Randy are high on fame – they're fresh from a hit ABC TV show and have borrowed three million dollars and opened a theme park. What could possibly go wrong?

Last year, the skinny virgin and purple puppet were handpicked to star in Neil Patrick Harris' 'Just For Laughs TV Gala', performed the Sydney Opera House and had their comedy special nominated for an ARIA. They also found time to write and perform in their debut TV sitcom, 'Sammy J & Randy In Ricketts Lane' and prepare to launch their first (and possibly only) amusement park.

Please note the petting zoo at Sammy J & Randy Land is closed due to quarantine restrictions, and the fortune teller is under police investigation. Management will not be held liable for injury or death.

Where did you borrow the $3 million from?
R: We borrowed it from the Commonwealth Bank.
SJ: Well, it’s probably a bit misleading to say 'borrowed'.
R: Yeah. 'Embezzled' is probably more accurate.
SJ: Let’s just say the only interest they’ll be receiving from us is our keen 'interest' in their fraud detection department.
R: Which, based on our recent experience, is fairly ineffective.
SJ: May you pass me some more caviar?

When will the theme park open? And what's the main attraction?
SJ: Scheduled to open any day now. We’re just putting the finishing touches on our opening sound and light spectacular.
R: I’m going to be doing a tight-rope walk across a pool of piranhas.
SJ: And I’m going to ride a unicycle wearing a Captain Planet costume.
R: Although I should point out, Sammy J does that every Saturday morning, and it’s completely unrelated to the opening of our theme park.

The petting zoo is already closed, was there a break-out? Viral or physical?
SJ: We’re not at liberty to discuss the petting zoo incident, on the advice of our lawyers.
R: Plus we don’t want to ruin a sweet part of the show. So just buy tickets to find out.

Where did you find your fortune teller?
SJ: We found her eating dog food out of a bin in an alley behind a strip club.
R: How were we to know there might be problems down the road?

Sammy J, you've got some background with the law – how long did you study it before you found your true calling as a performer?
SJ: About 23 minutes, from memory.
R: But didn’t you spend 20 of those minutes scuffling with the professor?
SJ: Yeah. But I was still technically in the lecture theatre during the scuffle, so I include it as part of my total study minutes.
R: Remind me, what caused the scuffle?
SJ: She looked at me funny.

Randy, a bit of beauty talk, how do you keep a clean complexion? You're always glowing.
R: I’m radioactive.
SJ: Really? You never told me that.
R: You never asked.
SJ: Is it contagious?
R: Massively.
SJ: How did it happen?
R: I ate some chemical waste when I was seven.
SJ: And you’re still alive?
R: Every day is a gift.

Do you visit Ricketts Lane much these days?
SJ: We went there a few weeks ago and threw rocks through the window.
R: It was like that scene from Forrest Gump.
SJ: Oh, when Jenny returns to her father’s house?
R: No, when he touches her boobs and spoofs in his pants.

Are you guys going to check out some other Fringe shows? Which ones?
R: Demi Lardner, David Quirk …
SJ: Harley Breen, Nath Valvo …
R: Ivan Aristeguieta, Chopper …
SJ: And that guy with the puppet.

Sammy J, you regularly speak at schools etc.. Randy, do you think you would be good at this?
R: I actually did speak at a school once. They invited me to talk to the theatre students about the challenges of remaining true to your creative vision, and producing works of substance in a world where so often commercial pressures outweigh one’s artistic credibility.
SJ: Yeah, but instead you just stood up, dropped your trousers and pissed all over that kid with freckles.
R: She looked at me funny.

And lastly, what should we expect from an evening at Sammy J & Randy Land?
SJ: The most amazing night of your life.
R: No refunds.

Sammy J and Randy Tour Dates

12 Feb – 13 March – The Garden Of Unearthly Delights (Adelaide Fringe Festival)
29 March – 17 April – Melbourne International Comedy Festival
1 May – Sydney Comedy Festival


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