Cam Knight is riding the comedy circuit again, telling more brutally honest stories and getting the crowd involved, too.
In honour of his show's title, 'Get Rich Or Die Crying', Cam lists five get rich quick schemes.
OneThe easiest and fastest way I've worked out to get rich quick is to be born rich or born with a silver spoon in your mouth as us commoners would say. You literally came from nothing into immense wealth just like that you lazy son of a bitch. If you haven't been born into wealth I'd say start hedging your bets on reincarnation and just kill yourself until one day you're eventually reborn as a rich baby.
TwoStart buying 'The Financial Review'. I'm not sure if anyone actually reads 'The Financial Review' or if it's just what rich people use to swat us lowly peasants out of the way on their way to their helicopters but surely there's got to be something useful in there to help you.
ThreeGet into cryptocurrency. Obviously not bitcoin because that's fooled enough idiots into thinking it's their ticket out of here. Make your own one up like the Australian man who recently created Strayacoin. What a genius. Get creative and know your audience.
FourBecome an internet meme and cash in on it. Pontus Hulten once said "in the future everyone will have their 15 minutes of fame" and then Andy Warhol appropriated that quote which then went on to become a meme. Get a catchy catch phrase like "cash me outside, how bow dah" then sell your soul to the highest bidder.
FiveDon't do stand-up comedy. Maybe listen to your parents when they say "get an education" and "always have a back up" or "why don't you get a trade under your belt". Yes, it's annoying to hear but trust me, following your dreams is bullshit, just put your head down like every other robot out there and do your job. Forget your dreams. Once you become rich you can buy all your dreams back.
Cam Knight Dates20-25 March – Brisbane Powerhouse (Brisbane Comedy Festival)
29 March-22 April – Mantra On Russell (Melbourne Comedy Festival)
3-5 May – Regal Theatre (Perth Comedy Festival)
17-20 May – Enmore Theatre (Sydney Comedy Festival)