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5 Types Of People You Can’t Trust According To Ruckus Slam

Published in Arts  
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L-R: Ange and Meg L-R: Ange and Meg
Ruckus Slam is what happens when poetry slam meets circus meets loud heckling meets wild applause.

Irreverent, classy and wild, Ruckus has grown into a community of triassic scale, hosting international and local storytellers of all walks of life monthly at New Globe Theatre (it also holds a monthly residency in Melbourne for those with frequent flyer points).

Ange and Meg – two of the wonderful ladies behind Ruckus – share a list of distrustful personas to avoid. Do you believe? Shout at them at their next gathering.

1. People with consistently matching socks

How does this happen? We understand that every now and then you can have a win and match them up, But every day? What kind of organisation wizard are you? Do you just have a hundred pairs of the same socks so you still match? Note: unproven research suggests that people who always have matched socks are more likely to become serial killers. Fact.

Socks

2. Skinny chefs

If you are a skinny chef, we can only imagine it’s because you are trying to poison everyone with your food. Do not trust. If you have access to that much food and you aren’t a little bit chubby, you’re doing it wrong.

Chef

3. Jet ski owners

Disturbers of the peace. Keepers of the midlife crisis. Shining beacon of ill-advised leisure activities. We do not trust you.

Jet Ski
Do not trust Kenny Powers

4. People with clean desks

Firstly, let's point out the obvious. That fax you asked them to send that was three hours late? Probably because they were too busy sorting their paperclips. No one pays you to clean desks, they pay you to do work. Unless you are an office cleaner. In which case, carry on.


Clean

5. People who deliberately misspell their child's name

Parents who do this, you are immediately limiting the aptitude of your child, and it’s their first day here. Seriously, where do they go from there? Jessykah (Jessica) La - a (Ladasha) and our personal favourite Destenee (Destiny). Can we look at adding bad child-naming to the child protection act? Little children, we are sorry your parents are idiots. We will see you at poetry slams in ten years when you are ready to work through your trauma with art.

Misspelt

Ruckus Slam continues at New Globe Theatre 24 January.

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